So, in order to avoid so many figurative and literal spankings, I feigned acceptance of their agenda and stopped asking important questions.
Instead, I became a consummate actor, showing my domesticators only what they wanted to see and hear. I became an idealized version of what they wanted me to be… the perfect child… the perfect believer… the perfect student… the perfect employee… the perfect citizen.
I protected myself by concealing my true desires and by avoiding honest and meaningful contact with others. For years, I retreated into a lonely and constrained world with no words to describe my predicament and no one to talk to.