It all began with my three times rule…

If I get turned on to something “kooky” by way of three or more independent personal interactions (not including anyone who is trying to sell me something), it just might be something worth looking into.

And so it was with this thing called Ayahuasca (a word I’d never heard before and one that took me some time to spell and pronounce correctly)–enthusiastically recommended to me by three seemingly reasonable souls who claimed profoundly positive, enduring, life-changing effects.

Curiosity piqued, I read Rick Strassman’s “DMT, The Spirit Molecule” and poked around the internet–the usual places–Wikipedia, YouTube, Joe Rogan’s Podcast, personal blogs of first-hand accounts–seeking answers to the obvious questions about its potential benefits and risks.

Long story short, I actually “did the experiment” in the summer of 2016.

And here’s what I discovered…

---

Table of Contents

1. What is Ayahuasca?
2. Effects of Ayahuasca
3. Ayahuasca Health & Safety
4. Ayahuasca Availability & Legality
5. Frank’s Informal Risk/Reward Assessment
6. Finding an Ayahuasca Retreat
7. The Setting
8. Ayahuasca Ceremony #1 (My Good Trip)
9. Ayahuasca Ceremony #2 (My Bad Trip)
10. The Verdict
11. Would I do Ayahuasca/DMT again?
12. Frank’s Advice

---

What is Ayahuasca?

Ayahuasca is a “shamanic medicine” originating in the Amazon rain forest, brewed from several legally-available plants into a liquid that one drinks as part of an elaborate “ceremony”. The active ingredient, DMT (N,N-Dimethyltryptamine), produces a spectrum of intense physical, cognitive, and emotional effects that begin tens of minutes after ingestion and typically last for many hours.

back to Table of Contents

---

Effects of Ayahuasca

Physical Effects

Commonly-reported physical effects while under the influence include nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, sedation, body aches, sweats and chills, distorted vision, physical awkwardness, poor hand-eye coordination… not unlike being very drunk. Recovery time is typically on the order of a few hours with no lasting unpleasant effects.

Positive Cognitive-Emotional Effects

Commonly-reported positive cognitive-emotional effects while under the influence include euphoria, tranquility, ego loss, feelings of oneness with the universe, strong feelings of affection for loved ones, empathy for all living things. Enduring effects after recovery include ego loss, empathy, self-acceptance, crystal clarity of thought, bullshit detection, and reduction of anxiety and depression.

Negative-Emotional Effects

Commonly-reported negative cognitive-emotional effects while under the influence include anxiety and paranoia. Recovery time is typically on the order of a few hours with no long-term effects.

Perceptual Effects

Commonly-reported perceptual effects while under the influence include visual and auditory hallucinations and an altered sense of space and time. Recovery time is typically on the order of a few hours with no long-term effects.

back to Table of Contents

---

Ayahuasca Health & Safety

Except for a handful of apocryphal horror stories, my research found nothing to suggest any risk of dangerous or destructive behavior towards oneself or towards others while under the influence. Importantly, there is no evidence to suggest that Ayahuasca/DMT is addictive or that there is any risk of long-term adverse physical or mental health effects.

back to Table of Contents

---

Ayahuasca Availability & Legality

While Ayahuasca/DMT is illegal in most places, reputable ceremony providers are not hard to find. Even a casual internet search allows you to discreetly connect with local or international providers that suit your personality and life circumstances.

back to Table of Contents

---

Frank’s Informal Risk/Reward Assessment

Although peer-reviewed research to date is very limited and mostly anecdotal (largely due to the illegality of DMT), the consistency of so many first-hand accounts regarding the immediate experience and enduring effects was noteworthy.

In summary, the more I looked, the more intrigued I became and concluded two things:

1. There is reasonable evidence that Ayahuasca/DMT has legitimate therapeutic value.
2. The safety risk of “doing the experiment” was no worse than eating a bad oyster.

At that point, I had no choice. I had to give Ayahuasca/DMT a go, knowing that not doing so would be a major death bed regret.

back to Table of Contents

---

Finding an Ayahuasca Retreat

Open to the possibility of Ayahuasca’s therapeutic benefits and satisfied that the health and safety risks were minimal, I decided to “do the experiment”…

And so, I googled “Ayahuasca retreat” and discovered a range of providers of various flavors in exotic and not-so-exotic locations all around the world.

Based on the balanced consideration of cost, schedule, location, travel time, accommodations, and my taste for adventure, I contacted a provider in Latin America that appeared to be knowledgeable, experienced, reputable, and well-organized. After a handful of prompt email exchanges (a big confidence booster, by the way), I sent them a deposit to do three “ceremonies” over the course of a week in the summer of 2016.

And so, the stage was set. Committing myself to do the experiment in earnest-–not merely to take a “trip” but to approach the experience as both adventurer and scientist–-giving my skepticism and open-mindedness their full force to keep each other honest–-and with the sincere intention to allow the experience to speak for itself.

back to Table of Contents

---

The Setting

After a suggested week-long preparation consisting of a restricted diet, abstinence from alcohol, drugs, and sex (none of which really matters) and time to reflect upon my goals for the experience (which really does matter)–-fast forward to a comfortable, well-kept compound in the middle of the jungle.

Private room, private toilet and shower, wifi, and lots of common space to relax, mingle, or enjoy some quiet time. Healthy, delicious food, yoga sessions, and a top-notch massage included.

Two hosts–male and female: Let’s call them the Curandero and Curandera.

Six participants in all–a young woman in the throes of an unhappy marriage, a lady trying to recover her sense of self after a painful breakup, a young man seeking a meaningful career change, an older gentleman battling depression and trying to kick a lifetime of hard habits, a middle-aged male who seemed little more than a spoiled-rotten rich kid in man’s body, and me.

back to Table of Contents

---

Ayahuasca Ceremony #1 (My Good Trip)

While the Ayahuasca/DMT experience is ultimately non-transferable, here is my humble attempt to share a rough timeline and highlights from “ceremony #1”, which turned out to be my “good trip”…

Preparation

1. Tuesday June 21… Summer Solstice and full Moon.
2. 5:00 pm. Pouring rain. Bucket Ceremony. Intentions tossed into bucket… leaves and flowers… Verbalized to myself three intentions: Creativity, Discipline, and Courage. (all three for personal reasons that I choose to keep private for now)
3. Rose water added, bucket shower outside… in the rain.
4. 5:30-7:30 pm. Two plus hours of quiet time alone in my private room to reflect on my intentions.
5. Dark outside (sunset ~6:00 pm). Darkness, as you will learn later, is essential.

Drinking the Ayahuasca

1. 7:30 pm. Rain pattering on metal roof.
2. Six mats, blankets, and buckets. Candles. Music.
3. Participant #1 invited to drink. More ceremony.
4. Participant #2 drinks. Ditto.
5. Participant #3 drinks. Ditto.
6. My turn. Double size shot glass. Down the hatch… quite unpleasant… like Jagermeister mixed with an equal of volume of cigarette ashes.
7. Return to mat, sit and wait…

Onset of Ayahuasca Effects

1. 8:10 pm. First of three purges. Mini-vomit of black liquid preceded by the usual symptoms of flushing and mouth-watering… no other effects.
2. Candles blown out, now almost total darkness.
3. 8:15pm. Offered, and accepted, optional second half dose.
4. 8:20 pm. Curandero strikes the gong… and POW!! Nothing subtle when the DMT “hit”… felt like my body vaporized and my consciousness was catapulted through a worm hole at the speed of light.

Description of Hallucinations

1. The gong sounded like it was INSIDE my head. As if my skull was enormous and hollow and the sound was moving around inside. I could pinpoint the source within millimeters. I would go so far to say I could see the sound!
2. Eyes closed… small p psychedelic visuals… red, green, blue kaleidoscope… paisley-like patterns… occasional short bursts of yellows and whites.
3. Purple patterns grew when I paid attention to them. Sometimes went somewhere interesting.
4. 10:00 pm. Second Purge… able to get myself to bathroom… vomiting and explosive diarrhea… six times… butt on toilet, head in sink.
5. Feeling better, return to common space.
6. Awesome accompanying music: Icaros… Andres Cordoba – TaMa – Cura Sana
7. Occasional gong, voice of Curandero, drum, guitar, both live and recorded… absolutely exquisite sounds.
8. One of the ladies freaks out. Other lady sobs incessantly.
9. Snakes, insects in periphery of vision, but did not feel scary in the least. Oh, there a snake, there’s a scorpion. In fact, I recall thinking: “Oh, that’s what one is supposed to see while tripping!” as if it was no big deal.
10. Eyes open visuals of room nominally normal, although slow and vibrating… figures on wall sparring with each other.
11. Feelings of floating in space, weightlessness.

Realizations & Insights

Somewhere along the way, in the midst of the audio and visual hallucinations, I experienced some profound realizations/insights (these words are so inadequate):

1. I was filled with a deep sense of compassion for all people… the profound sense that we are all damaged children… ALL of us.
2. I felt a particularly deep affection for someone I had been estranged from.
3. I was deeply moved by a vivid image (the answer to my “courage” intention in the face of chronic health concern, I suspect): Imagine a bird’s eye view of an ancient pueblo ruin… remnants of the walls separating a dozen adjoining rooms… one bad black room to the left stands out, but there are eleven normal rooms. Accompanied by two consuming affirmations: 1) Do not let the black room destroy the joy to be found in the eleven good rooms. 2) Do not let the ever-present threat of death win by scaring me into not living. It was so clear and deep… clearer and deeper than a mere thought… more than symbolic… so deeply understood that it reprogrammed my mind instantly and permanently… instilling a complete loss of anxiety that endures to this day.

General Observations

• Needed to stay perfectly still for maximum effect… any motion would interrupt the flow.
• Able to turn the experience on and off by moving my body and opening my eyes, but unable to steer.
• Able to “apply the brakes” so to speak simply by moving a single finger.
• Interesting sounds are powerful and essential triggers for maximizing the psychedelic effects… background of a giant gong, interesting vocalizations by the curandero, and the very organic-sounding indigenous music where both enjoyable and provocative.
• General sense of timelessness, but also of time distortion… I KNOW it was long by how much music was played, but the whole experience felt much shorter in duration.

Coming Back Down

1. 11:00 pm. Peak mellowed out and I was able to relax into a semi-conscious state… “woken up” by the Curandera and invited to enjoy a campfire outside.
2. Gentle feelings of coming back down. Mixed feelings of wanting it to continue, but also a sense of relief that I survived the trip, and of satisfaction that I had such an experience.
3. Awesome fire, full moon directly overhead, with multiple rings, perfect soft breeze, lights of villagers down below… feelings of absolute tranquility, peace, contentment. EVERYTHING felt beautiful beyond beauty.
4. Midnight… nausea returns… third purge… vomited once outside, then feeling exhausted… returned to my room… stumbling in a very drunken way… defecated some more.
5. Presence of mind to send “I’m okay” texts to my safety contacts, but very difficult because I could not see the phone clearly and my vision was shaky.
6. 1:00 feeling totally exhausted… and still quite nauseous, on verge of vomiting again… a few passing visual hallucinations.
7. 1:30 Fell asleep.

The Next Day

1. 5:30 am, awoke, feeling lots better but still a bit queasy… drank some water, then just laid in bed until around 10:00am… everyone else was still asleep.
2. One of the ladies was still tripping in the room next to mine, calling out and a bit freaked out. I knocked on her door, she invited me in, I gave her a long hug. She said “I love you.” As she held on to me. Nothing sexual about it.
3. Day after: Still feeling icky… akin to a mild hangover… ate a little bit for breakfast… egg, rice, beans, fruit.
4. Drank lots of water.
5. “Hangover” gone by mid-afternoon.

back to Table of Contents

---

Ayahuasca Ceremony #2 (My Bad Trip)

While the Ayahuasca experience is ultimately non-transferable, here is my humble attempt to share a rough timeline and highlights from “ceremony #2”, which turned out to be “the bad trip”…

Preparation

1. 5:00 pm Quiet reflection time in my room, but no other preparation ceremony (in retrospect a HUGE mistake)
2. Scheduled 6:30 pm start, but started late due to some kind of dispute between the curanderos and “the help”. (RED FLAG!)

Drinking the Ayahuasca

1. Big negative energy in room. (I remember having reservations about doing the ceremony. THAT alone should have been enough to address it somehow… and should have been emphasized by the curanderos… (a big mistake)
2. Took a double dose right up front… (another mistake).

What my BAD Ayahuasca Trip was Like

1. Gong-induced sound effects, beginnings of visuals, but all killed by feelings of terrible nausea.
2. Distracted by thoughts that “the help” would hack us all to death with a machete for revenge.
3. Not much of a trip… I was putting the brakes on the whole way… and had regrets immediately, knowing I was in for a long hard ride.
4. Mister X vomiting his head off… a huge distraction that got in the way of MY trip… at once feeling compassion for him and irritated at him for not excusing himself from the common area.
5. Strong urge to defecate, but by time I got to the bathroom, I lost the urge.
6. Stumbled back to the common area to see if I could reconnect with the music, but the energy did not feel right. I simply lost interest. Decided to return to my room and try to stop the trip by drinking as much water as I could stomach.
7. I realized that I was having a bad trip… a really bad trip… overwhelming feelings of anxiety, feeling heartburn and nausea, just wanting everything to stop.
8. It is noteworthy that at no point during the experience did I lose awareness that I was “tripping”.
9. Told myself that I would never do Ayahuasca again, knowing I had yet to purge and dreading what I knew was going to be several hours of hell.
10. Profound paranoia… thoughts that my liver was destroyed, that the curanderos were frauds and rip-off artists.
11. 8:00pm started vomiting… just the beginning of an epic vomitpalooza, including dry heaves… vomited upwards of forty or fifty times over the course of two hours. Ten times worse than the good trip.
12. Turned lights on because I realized that darkness, provocative sounds, and physical stillness are essential triggers for maximizing the psychedelic experience. In other words, silence, bright lights, and physical motion kill the visual and auditory hallucinations.
13. Feelings of paranoia continued.
14. I wish I could have flipped a switch and have it all stop, but to no avail.
15. I knew I was tripping, but the paranoia still felt quite real.
16. Dry heaves.
17. Every time I vomited, I forced myself to gulp three handfuls of water from the sink.
18. 10:30 Vomiting stopped.
19. Realization that, in the absence of darkness and provocative sounds, there is not much of a trip. Darkness and exotic sounds are powerful triggers.
20. 11:00 Curandera checked in to make sure I was okay. That was cool.
21. Thoughts that the whole Ayahuasca thing is just a scam, that self-anointed shamans were the very first charlatans exploiting scared and vulnerable people.
22. While tripping, I seriously questioned the integrity of the curanderos and became super skeptical of the whole enterprise…  The whole thing may be one big charade designed to separate desperate, vulnerable, or new agey people from their hard-earned money.
23. Survived by talking to myself out loud: “Frank, you are just tripping. It will all be over in a few hours.” Also, every time I vomited, I told myself that was one less horrible rib-crunching heave I had to deal with.
24. Midnight. Feeling quite lucid… queasy in waves, but no more vomiting.
25. Bad trip continued. Wave after wave of chills and sweats.
26. Strong feeling of wanting to sleep… out of sheer exhaustion… and out of wanting to escape the physical misery, but unable to do so… totally wired until about 3:00 am.
27. During that interval, I was able to carry on text conversations with my safety contacts… easily without any visual or cognitive distortion.

The Next Day

1. 5:00 am. Awoke.
2. NO hangover, normal appetite. (thanks, I suspect, to all the water I forced myself to drink)

back to Table of Contents

---

The Verdict

So, is this Ayahuasca/DMT thing for real? Is it just a scam? A kooky escape from reality? Does it have legitimate therapeutic value?

Alas, the answers to these questions do not permit a simple, black and white response. Allow me to explain…

Disclaimers

Nothing I say here should be interpreted as an endorsement of Ayahuasca/DMT. It’s just one man’s personal account and perspective, period. It’s your responsibility–armed with a healthy skepticism–to educate yourself regarding the risks and alleged benefits.

In particular, I would not dare to speak to the efficacy of Ayahuasca/DMT to treat serious conditions such as substance abuse, anxiety, and depression.

Seek Information from Multiple Independent Sources

• Search “dmt” and “ayahuasca” on Google, Wikipedia, and YouTube.
• Read Rick Strassman’s “The Spirit Molecule”.
• Watch Joe Rogan’s Podcasts on the subject.
• Read many first-hand accounts on personal blogs.
• Google “ayahuasca retreat” and get a feel for the kinds of providers available.
• Educate yourself on any contraindications to doing Ayahuasca/DMT, such as taking Selective Seratonin Reuptake Inhibitors (SSRIs).

Regarding the Spiritual & Supernatural Claims of Others

There is no reason to conclude that DMT is “the Spirit Molecule” and no evidence that the Ayahuasca experience taps into anything supernatural.

Consuming Ayahuasca/DMT creates an altered state of consciousness because the DMT molecule has significant visual, aural, cognitive, and emotional effects on your brain. All of these “psychedelic” effects are readily explained as distortions in the sensory, motor, and processing channels of your brain, not by contact with “the divine”.

Regarding the Adverse Physical Effects

Ingestion of Ayahuasca causes significant gastrointestinal distress that includes heartburn, nausea, explosive diarrhea, and violent vomiting that may last for hours. While some might consider the purging to be a meaningful rite of passage, I would classify it as an ordeal that served no useful purpose.

These unpleasant physical effects–even during my “good trip”–were far worse (in both intensity and duration) than I was led to believe from the accounts of others. In fact, the vomiting during my bad trip was so literally gut-wrenching that I would never do Ayahuasca again.

Each wave of nausea, diarrhea, heartburn, sweating and shivering is a perfectly natural protective response. Contrary to the fantastic claims, your body is purging itself of poison, not demons.

Surviving the paranoia and gastrointestinal distress during my “bad trip” took every ounce of volition and presence of mind that I could muster. I am not sure my younger self would have been mature enough to handle it the way I did.

While I experienced a mild hangover after the good trip, a half day’s rest was enough time for a full recovery. By the way, drinking water is the best, and maybe the ONLY way to accelerate the purging and recovery process.

Regarding the Long-Term Health Risks if Ayahuasca

Many years hence, I have not felt even the slightest tinge of addiction or seen any hint of brain, liver, or any other organ damage.

Regarding the Therapeutic Value of Ayahuasca/DMT

The fact that there is nothing supernatural about the strong>Ayahuasca/DMT experience does not automatically discount it as having therapeutic value. To that point, the profound realizations I experienced during my first (good) trip were particularly intriguing. In my view, this single positive experience leaves open the possibility that Ayahuasca/DMT may have significant and enduring cognitive and emotional health benefits for some people under certain circumstances.

I realize that this is all quite subjective, but I remain open to the very real possibility that my brain was rewired by “the good trip”, producing a range of enduring positive effects: clarity of thinking, feelings of compassion, feelings of connection with all living things, diminution of performance anxiety, a renewed sense of discipline, significant reduction in anxiety regarding a chronic health condition, recognition of and intolerance for bullshit (sorry, but the colorful language fits). I also feel more courageous, more honest, more comfortable in my own skin, and more prepared to speak my mind (but to do so with tact). I grant you that all the above may just be incidental to my other ongoing efforts at self-actualization, but the possibility remains intriguing.

Special note: Alas, due to the illegality of DMT, peer-reviewed research is non-existent and will likely remain so for some time. In the meantime, the only sources of data are the typically sketchy, anecdotal accounts from unverified (and perhaps unverifiable) sources.

back to Table of Contents

---

Frank’s Conjectures Regarding the Therapeutic Value & Process

If there is any legitimate therapeutic value to be had, my hypothesis regarding the general process goes as follows:

1. Anything that interrupts one’s habits of thinking, feeling, and doing may have therapeutic value. The same can be said for psychotherapy, reading a book, taking piano lessons, or traveling to a foreign country.
2. Ayahuasca/DMT seems to disrupt, inhibit, amplify, distort, and crosslink existing neural networks in a way that enables you to temporarily override existing patterns of sensation and cognition.
3. This may allow one’s conscious mind to gain temporary access to the subconscious, providing an opportunity to recognize and dissolve destructive and deeply-rooted habits of thinking, feeling, and behavior.
4. This fleeting window of opportunity may allow one to see old memories in a new light, to gain perspective, and to restructure old repetitive thought patterns in new and constructive ways.
5. Under certain conditions, this altered state may elevate one’s awareness in a way that promotes insight and self-examination with sufficient intensity that new, life-enhancing memories are formed and become permanent.

back to Table of Contents

---

Would I do Ayahuasca/DMT again?

I am glad I had the experience, but I would NOT do it again–for three reasons:

1. Since I had already experienced both a good trip and a bad trip, my scientific curiosity about the range of possible experiences was sufficiently satisfied.
2. I felt that I had already gotten what I needed, in terms of cognitive-emotional benefit, from “the good trip”.
3. The physical effects during “the bad trip” were so horrific that it extinguished any interest I may have had in doing another ceremony, ever.

back to Table of Contents

---

Frank’s Advice

Ayahuasca/DMT is NOT a recreational drug.

Nobody should try it “just for fun”. Don’t even consider doing so unless you have the cognitive-emotional maturity to do so as an serious explorer, not a thrill seeker–with clear and honorable intentions and your eyes wide open regarding the potential risks.

If You Decide to “do the experiment”…

I encourage you to take the following very seriously…

1. The attitude, competence, and integrity of your providers can make or break the experience. Choose them carefully, with special attention to any health or safety concerns.
2. The character, maturity, and behavior of your fellow travelers has a profound influence on your experience, for better or worse. Ideally, they should be mature people who you enjoy, trust, and care about. The mutual support and feelings of safety all set the stage for having “a good trip”.
3. Have at least two safety contacts. Let them know where and when you will be and check in with them as appropriate (just like informing others of a hike in the woods or sending a safe arrival call after a late-night drive home.)
4. Take your preparation very seriously. If you want to have a productive trip, you must fill your mind with clear and positive intentions while eliminating all negativity and anxiety.

The Importance of Mindful Preparation Cannot be Overstated

Your cognitive-emotional state as you begin the ceremony will be greatly amplified while you are under the influence. There is nothing otherworldly about this phenomenon. It is simple priming… the perfectly natural, well-understood brain function where one thought or feeling tends to trigger similar thoughts and feelings in a stream of consciousness. Simply put, positive thoughts and feelings tend to trigger other positive thoughts and feelings, while negative thoughts and feelings tend to trigger other negative thoughts and feelings. Therefore, it is absolutely crucial that you get your stream of consciousness leaning in a desirable direction by filling your mind with clear and honorable intentions and positive affirmations… and without any doubts regarding your health and safety.

Any negativity or anxiety risks a most unpleasant experience, as happened to me during my “bad trip”.

Mindful preparation in the form of meditation orself-hypnosis is ultimately your responsibility and best not left to chance.

The ceremonial aspects of the preparation… fasting, diet restrictions, abstinence from sex and drugs, ritual washing, and exotic settings… have value only to the extent that they facilitate priming your mind with positive thoughts and honorable intentions.

If You Have Any Doubts

If you have any doubts whatsoever regarding your intentions, concerns about doing anything illegal, or have any discomfort regarding your health and safety, don’t do it. There is no shame in being cautious and deciding that you have better things to do with your time and money.

back to Table of Contents