Three traumatic months of waiting and ruminating… seriously considering that they might be my last…
And as I ponder how I survived that ordeal over a decade ago, three particular coping behaviors stand out in my cancer brain memory.
First, I found that, no matter what horrible thing was growing inside my body, a brisk walk to the grocery store in the winter air made me feel healthy and alive, at least for a little while each day.
Second, playing music.
And third, I could not bring myself to sleep in my own bed. I suspect it was because that might give me too much time to stare at the ceiling and imagine the worst. Instead, I spent every evening on the couch, binge watching “Law and Order” reruns (the Vincent D’Onofrio version) that mercifully distracted me until I fell asleep each night… as the television played on and on.
I honestly cannot tell you how I got through the hours that remained… except that perhaps I just kept busy enough doing all those things that humans in the developed world need to do to keep on going without losing hope or going insane.
Continue… My Colon Cancer, Part 6
I’m a big Vincent D’Onofrio fan, too.
I especially liked him in “Full Metal Jacket”.