Three traumatic months of waiting and ruminating… seriously considering that they might be my last…
And as I ponder how I survived that ordeal over a decade ago, three particular coping behaviors stand out in my cancer brain memory.
First, I found that, no matter what horrible thing was growing inside my body, a brisk walk to the grocery store in the winter air made me feel healthy and alive, at least for a little while each day.
Second, playing music.
And third, I could not bring myself to sleep in my own bed. I suspect it was because that might give me too much time to stare at the ceiling and imagine the worst. Instead, I spent every evening on the couch, binge watching “Law and Order” reruns (the Vincent D’Onofrio version) that mercifully distracted me until I fell asleep each night… as the television played on and on.
I honestly cannot tell you how I got through the hours that remained… except that perhaps I just kept busy enough doing all those things that humans in the developed world need to do to keep on going without losing hope or going insane.
2 thoughts on “A Cancer Journey: My Colon Cancer, Part 5”
I’m a big Vincent D’Onofrio fan, too.
I especially liked him in “Full Metal Jacket”.