Once you receive a diagnosis, you start remembering things…
… that didn’t seem normal, but that you brushed off as no big deal at the time.
The very human defense mechanism of denial, perhaps?
And so, I thought back on the progressive loss of energy that creeped in over the years… something I attributed to just getting older.
And so, I flashed back to that shower in 2015. Rubbery, painless, grape-sized lump in the left side of my neck. Just a lymph node doing its job, right? I just moved on with the rest of my day.
I suspect now that these were the early signs that my body was fighting a war against the millions, billions, trillions of abnormal cells multiplying and spreading in my bone marrow, blood stream, lymphatic system, and who knows where.
Does knowing any of this matter now? Would knowing I had CLL and being able to do something about it back then have made me healthier today? I don’t know about that, but one possibility is that it might have made things worse. For one, I would have carried around three extra years of anxiety. And for two, I might have been hit with a harsher and less effective treatment than is available today (more on this in subsequent posts).
Continue… My Leukemia, Part 3
It seems natural to replay the early signs you might have missed and your reaction shows a lot of emotional growth.
Thanks so much for your empathetic words, Bridgette.
A wise and healthy response, Frank.
Thanks for checking in, Mitch, and for the very kind words of support. Cheers!